


she's got a boyfriend anyway

by polishedstone



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Cheating, F/M, Harry is a selfish asshole, Infidelity, Pining, Unrequited Love, and Eleanor wins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-28
Updated: 2014-07-28
Packaged: 2018-02-10 19:45:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2037681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polishedstone/pseuds/polishedstone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>‘I want to tell you a secret.’ He looks down at her open mouth, lips all red from the Cosmo she’s been drinking. Eleanor lets out a what, frowning at Harry. It’s hard not to but he finally backs away from her, making his way inside the house. Harry doesn’t need to look back to know Eleanor is following his steps but he does anyway, just to make sure. With a wicked smirk and a rush going through his body, he thinks he’s only getting started now.</i> </p><p>or how Harry deals with not having what he wants for the first time in his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	she's got a boyfriend anyway

**Author's Note:**

> I basically spent a year trying to put this together. The original idea dates back to the This is Us movie premiere, where Eleanor and Harry were at a photobooth together. This is my first fic in the fandom; I don't write, but I'm very inspired by Ivy, Grace, M and Kat (thanks to the latter for planting the infidelity kink seed on me) and their writing style and to see the journey they go through to bring a fic to life catapulted me into do my own. Also thanks to everyone who expressed genuine excitement in reading this, I hope it's worth it somehow. General warnings: English is not my first language. There are mentions of Zayn/Perrie and Louis/Eleanor. I don't know why but there's not much of Niall, which I regret. My first thought was to make it a Louis/Eleanor/Harry fic but I can't even handle writing one relationship, let alone three. Tittle taken from Sex by The 1975.

 

Harry is the first one to notice it. He doesn’t know why he’s only seeing the semblance now when it’s been in front of him since the day she walked in the room. And it’s so obvious to him now, he wants to ask every person who knows him and Eleanor, wants to know if other people can see it too.

Louis doesn’t realize until Harry brings up the subject in some random late night conversation. He laughs so hard, smile so wide on his face, head thrown back exposing his neck and Harry squints his eyes at Louis, chewing on his gum. He tries to keep it cool and forces a smile to follow up Louis because you’re doomed if you don’t participate in every Louis joke.

‘What do you mean by that? Why would I want to fuck someone that looks like you? You know what, Harold, the world doesn’t actually revolve around you, doesn’t matter how many followers you have on twitter, mate.’ Louis pulls out his sarcasm.

Harry hates that he feels embarrassed, looking down and playing with the loose strings of his ripped jeans while he feels his cheeks burning up.

‘I didn’t mean it like that,’ – though he did – ‘I just, like. I don’t know. I thought you knew.’ Harry mutters.

‘To be fair, you both have the same curly hair. And by the way, she’s totally jealous of you. Your hair, I mean. Don’t tell her I said that. It’s so cute, mate, she keeps going on about how it’s not fair for a lad to have such lush curls like yours. She actually asked me the other day to look for your hair products on Louise’s stuff.’ Louis laughs and sinks further into his lounge chair, sighing in a way that Harry knows Louis is thinking about Eleanor now.

If Harry needed any confirmation, this is it; he fucking hates Louis.

‘Well, maybe _I’ll_ tell her my secret someday.’ But it sounds like Harry is not talking about curls anymore.

 

+

 

‘Who is this?’ Harry grabs Lani’s hand and stops her from going to the next picture on her gallery’s phone.

‘Oh, this is El. Eleanor, my roommate back at uni.’ Lani just shrugs casually.

In the picture, both Lani and Eleanor are smiling with drinks in their hands.

‘Well, when do I get to meet _Eleanor_?’ A full smirk is planted on Harry’s face and Lani rolls her eyes, knowing he’s trying to pull.

‘Please, you wouldn’t handle her. She’s too much for you.’

‘Now, you don’t actually know that. Bring her around and we’ll see.’

Harry had forgotten about what he said until one night Lani showed up at his and Louis’ shared flat, arm on arm with the very girl in the picture.

Eleanor pulled her hair behind her ears and the wind night was strong and freezing, making her hair going in every direction. She also kept looking down but Harry could see her shy smile and her chubby cheeks being terribly pink. It was adorable.

‘And this is Eleanor.’ Lani waved her hands in front of Eleanor dramatically, like she was showing off a piece of art. Harry stared at both girls and wanted nothing more to pull Lani aside and yell at her for not giving him a warning first.

‘Hi.’ Harry’s voice cracked as he shook Eleanor’s hand firmly, as if they were at a business meeting and she was an important producer in the music industry. He was about to lose it.

Too much indeed.

He didn’t realize Louis was approaching them already, snorting a ‘Jesus, Harry, and people say you’re charming and outgoing. See, this is what I tell everyone, my dear,’ he turned to Eleanor, grabbing her hand with his both hands, ‘do not trust everything you read on the Internet.’

Louis winked and Eleanor let out a small giggle but Harry felt a slight pang on his chest. He hated when Louis talked about him like he’s not there in the same room.

That set Harry off. He politely made his way into his room to change into some more presentable clothes. On the way back, he went to the kitchen to get drinks because he wanted to make it up for the terrible small talk at the door. He handed a diet coke to Eleanor, made sure they brushed hands on the exchange – he had to try, had to – and it felt like a small victory because after that, he felt like his presence was finally being noticed by Eleanor.

But it only made Harry even more nervous. Lani was probably right after all, he doesn’t even handle being near her, let alone talking. He might as well think Lani invited Eleanor to make fun of him.

Eleanor kept giving Harry little glances – he swore he could see them, he’s not crazy – and even offered some of her diet coke with a nod. The night was going smooth after all, Louis was telling all kinds of stories about being in The X Factor and Lani was trying to pick a movie to watch. It was then when Eleanor made an excuse to go to the bathroom, eyeing Harry the whole time, that Harry wanted to follow her, wanted to properly introduce himself, to ask her if she knew what she was doing here, to tell her that he was the one who asked Lani for this, well jokingly, but he still did anyway so that’s what matters, and his hands were sweating just by playing the scenario in his head. He eventually stood up anyway after a couple of minutes and walked down the hallway.

Harry recalls now being the longest hallway ever, he walked so slowly, heavy feet on the ground, being extra careful with every step he took. When he was about to knock the bathroom door, he froze. He remembers now the cold feeling of the sweat all over his face and how fast he ran to the next room he could find.

After a few minutes he got out of the room and as he walked towards the bathroom again, he could hear the muffled giggles and moans through the door.

Guess someone was a bit quicker than him.

 

 

After that, Louis wouldn’t shut up about Eleanor. Harry remembers the proud look on Zayn’s face whenever he pulled Louis closer for a side hug.

‘I think we could be something.’ Louis smiles while nodding his head. ‘Harry was there, he saw it. She laughed at every one of my jokes! Do I need anything else on a girl, Zayn?’

‘No, bro. I think she might be the one.’ Zayn says seriously, only to burst into laughter two seconds later. Louis decides that now it’s a great time to start a play fight and straddles Zayn on the floor.

‘Harry!’ Zayn screams with his thick accent, ‘Please, save me! I swear I will quit pulling stuff in your mouth while you sleep! Harry!’ as he struggles to keep Louis from poking his ribs. Zayn manages to look behind Louis to call for Harry one more time but realizes Harry’s not in the room anymore.

 

 

Harry honestly thought Louis and Eleanor would be a fling. That’s what Harry kept telling himself anyway. They’re about to go on tour and the relationship won’t work anymore. She would call Louis crying, saying she’s been alone for too long, _too long_ , and _they can’t do this anymore_. But the day never came.

Louis claims he doesn’t know when he and Eleanor started to date but Harry’s been counting. It’s not like he wants to but every month he can’t help but remember. He’s also been counting how many times he and Eleanor spoke directly since that night. He hated how he felt weird around her, couldn’t tone down the thought that it should’ve been him kissing her goodbye at the airport right now, grabbing her hand so tight he could feel her pulse.

So he hates everyone. Harry tries to hate Eleanor to take her out of his mind so he steals Louis from her whenever he has the chance. He wants to intimidate Eleanor like the way he feels intimidated by her; he wants to be the first person Louis would call when he needed help. He wants to see the look on her face when Louis would tell her that _sorry love, Harry’s been going on about this great bowling place for weeks, but I’ll be at your house tomorrow morning, yeah?_ He wants Eleanor to look at them and wish it was her instead of Harry, wishing she could be with Louis all the time, not just two days per week. He would yawn out loud on purpose whenever Louis was on the phone with her and mutter _let’s just sleep, Lou_ with the deepest voice.

(Harry heard Louis on the phone once though, lulling her quietly, saying _that’s just stupid, love, you know he doesn’t hate you_ , and then he felt like a fucking idiot.)

Harry starts to hate himself, to hook up with girls again and for a while he thought he could forget about Eleanor. He tries to convince himself that this was just a silly idea, something he would laugh about 10 years from now, saying to Zayn _hey, remember that time when I wanted to shag Louis’ girlfriend?_ and it works for a while. Zayn would bring him girls, _blondes only please_ , because he wouldn’t trust himself with some brunette carrying hazel eyes.

But now it’s been too long, they’ve been together for too long and seriously, why aren’t they over yet? Was Louis really that good for her? He didn’t cheat, not even once? So maybe that’s when he starts to hate Louis.

It’s like an itch deep down his soul that won’t settle down until he gets what he wants. Harry actually thinks he’s going mad, he thought he had this under control but he found out it was a mistake to ignore the feeling because it came back ten times stronger. He’s been too nice and was tired now, so fucking tired.

And Harry regrets a lot. Regrets not opening that bathroom door and claiming her first and years have passed now and he realizes he waited for too long. So he wants to get in their way for good now, really get in their way, not in the sense of stealing Louis for a night out and making him forget to bring his phone with him, but to be the one to fuck with Eleanor’s mind, wants _her_ making excuses not to go out that night with Louis and not because she’s feeling ill.

So at the night of the Brit Awards, Harry gulps down his martini ( _How did you get drunk after three martinis? How old are you? 19?_ He heard Niall talking at some point) and, feeling brave and like nothing in the world could stop him, made his way towards Eleanor, who was talking to Louise at the bar.

‘Can we talk?’ Harry slurs and Eleanor doesn’t realize he’s talking to her until she sees Louise talking on her phone and walking away.

‘Excuse me?’ Eleanor looks at everywhere but him. She looks scared, like she wasn’t supposed to be there, like this wasn’t supposed to happen.

‘Where’s Louis?’ Harry says, lifting his chin and fixing his blazer, the martinis he had suddenly having a cocky influence on him.

‘Think he’s in the bathroom, do you want to talk to him?’

‘Can we talk?’ Harry says like he didn’t hear what Eleanor just said.

‘We’re actually talking right now. Apparently.’

‘Right.’ Harry scoffs. He had a feeling this would be tough. ‘Don’t want to talk here, though.’

Eleanor shrugs like there’s nothing she can do for Harry.

Harry feels something boiling up inside him. ‘You know, this is why we don’t talk that much, I suppose. I tried, I swear to god I tried, Eleanor. And it’s funny ‘cause I’m actually fucking great at small talk like, I should be getting awards for how brilliant my small talk is, you know. But you still give me nothing. I look like an idiot trying to make conversation with you and you just kind of stand… there.’

‘Why do you feel like you need to talk to me? Did you ever stop to think that I might actually not want you to?’

‘Well, well, well.’ Harry rests his elbow in the table, full on smirk displayed on his face with how amusing all of this is. ‘Someone is a bit bitter! Didn’t Louis fuck you good enough this morning?’

‘Spare me.’ Eleanor makes a move to stand up but she feels Harry approaching her.

‘I bet the sex is like, so boring.’ Harry barely speaks but Eleanor can smell the alcohol and feel the shallow breath on her neck. ‘I bet he goes missionary every time.’ Harry doesn’t dare to speak Louis’ name out loud, he knows better. ‘And then he comes first and you have to get yourself off and if you’re lucky, he rubs your clit till you come. It’s a shame, Eleanor, real shame. You can do so much better.’ Harry likes that his voice gets hoarse whenever he drinks.

She laughs nervously, grabs her purse and Harry stands there, watching her walking away. That was for sure the longest conversation they ever had.

Harry cannot process what just had happened and he feels a bit sick, the taste of all the martinis he had going sour on his mouth. He feels like he’s walking in circles until he stumbles into Louis at the bathroom door.

‘Oh my god, you’re going to puke, aren’t you? Two martinis, Harry. Two.’ Louis holds two fingers in front of Harry’s face.

‘Three.’ Harry frowns like an angry toddler.

‘Wow, he’s out there! That’s bold, even for you. What else did you do tonight, mate?’

Harry doesn’t respond and bats Louis’ hand from the tight grip he had on his arm and moves to the nearest stall. He sits on the toilet and undoes the first buttons of his shirt, slowly feeling his mind coming to the right place while looking at the tiles on the floor, immaculately pale. He suddenly feels too much, feels drunk, happy, sad, stupid, all at once, like all of these feelings are fighting inside him and taking turns at tugging at his heart. And of all the things to do right then, he gets himself off thinking about long legs wrapped around his waist, soft brown locks spread out against a white pillow. As he finishes himself off, he looks up at the ceiling, thinking he’s gone too far now, but failing to see an ending to this anytime soon.

 

 

He’s doing good, he really is. Lani called him about this party at her uni and he thought it could be a good distraction before work starts, before fucking off to travel around Europe inside a bus. He likes college parties, likes to pretend he’s just another average college kid who’s trying to escape from that assignment due to Monday.

It never crossed Harry’s mind for a second that he would find Eleanor at the same party but there she is, nodding at him to follow her and Harry does because of course.

They settle in the kitchen and Harry thinks that’s good, very casual, after all they’re just two people. People who are talking. In the kitchen.

‘Look,’ Eleanor sighs like it’s a burden while looking down at the floor, moving the red cup she’s holding in little circles, the sharp clack of the ice suddenly loud between them. ‘I know I haven’t treated you well. It’s complicated. I get nervous, I guess.’ She now holds the drink with both hands, looking past Harry to make sure no one is near them.

‘Think it’s because you matter so much to Louis. So much. I’ve always been so scared to fuck things up because what if _you_ don’t like me? Your opinion matters so much to Louis and-’

‘I should be the one saying sorry.’ Harry realizes that he interrupted Eleanor but the last thing he really needs is to hear her talking about Louis.

‘I’m not actually apologizing.’ Eleanor manages to say at the same time Harry goes, ‘I want to tell you a secret.’ He looks down at her open mouth, lips all red from the Cosmo she’s been drinking. Eleanor lets out a _what_ , frowning at Harry.

It’s hard not to but he finally backs away from her, making his way inside the house.

Harry doesn’t need to look back to know Eleanor is following his steps but he does anyway, just to make sure. With a wicked smirk and a rush going through his body, he thinks he’s only getting started now.

 

 

Harry is surprisingly the one who feels his back pressed against the closed door. The room has barely any light and all he smells is the strawberry scent coming from Eleanor’s hair. He doesn’t know what’s happening until she snorts and pulls back the hand that was on his chest.

‘I let my guard down for a moment and you think you can make a move on me.’

‘Eleanor-’

‘That night at the Brits.’ Eleanor has his eyes fixed on Harry’s. The fact that she’s been thinking about it too lights up something inside of him. ‘Why did you say that? You have some nerve to speak to me like that. Me, of all the people!’

‘I wasn’t trying to-’

‘Shut up, you think you have me wrapped around your finger just because I followed you here. Going on about secrets.’ Eleanor scoffs. ‘What the fuck?’

Her voice gets louder as she finishes the sentence and Harry grabs her by the shoulders and turns her so she’s the one against the door. He brings a finger to his own mouth, asking Eleanor to be quiet.

‘It’s not the same anymore between you two, yeah? Date night movie, Chinese take-out, a hand going up your skirt and suddenly you’re too tired for sex.’ Harry’s gripping both of her arms and Eleanor actually laughs, fills the room with it.

‘You think you’re so full of yourself. Don’t make this about me when it’s clearly about you. You’re trying so hard to pull me in and you’re doing a terrible job because it’s all about you. About you and what you can’t have. About you getting what you want.’ Eleanor says the words so calmly and her honesty startles Harry but he’ll never admit it. He needs to be on top of the game again, he doesn’t want it to end like this, when it has barely started, in someone else’s room, a Muse song that he hates playing softly in the background.

Harry senses a dare in Eleanor’s voice and he feels a shift in the air, like they’re now aware of how close they’re standing next to each other. So he does what he knows best.

‘Will I?’ His hands drop to Eleanor’s sides and they both shiver at the unexpected touch. ‘Will I get what I want?’

And yes, he’s back on it.

He can’t read Eleanor’s face in the dark but if she’s not pulling away then he’s doing something right. The smell of strawberry gets stronger and it mixes with the alcohol coming from their open mouths. He’s so close now.

‘I’ll decide that.’ Eleanor breathes the words into Harry’s mouth. She grabs the door handle behind her and leaves the room.

Apparently she wants to play the game too.

 

 

If you want to have Harry Styles at your feet, just promise him something, anything, and he’ll be yours. He will bug you and remind you of the promise until you act on it for real. But he’ll love the thrill of it, the thought of having something waiting for him and that’s what keeps him going. And he’ll never forget. He’ll say _you still own me those milkshakes_ and it’ll be too late when you realize that it’s _you_ at his feet.

_Tell me what I have to do I’m just trying to be nice. H xx_

_Ummm still trying to decide what to do with you. Your like a puppy that keeps following me down the street. A hot puppy though._

_Is that all I am to you now? A hot body? Xx_

_God I didn’t know you were so cocky lol_

_I just know I can do this if you give me a chance you’ll see xx_

_Will you do everything as I say?_

_Come to my room next time yeah xx_

_Can’t have me on the same sheets Louis sleeps on? Are you afraid lil puppy?_

_I would have you in any way H xx_

_Lol you’re such a bad friend._

Harry likes the game, after all. They keep teasing each other lightly and Harry doesn’t have the time to feel guilty about it, because this was his place after all, yeah? He’s just trying to make it up for all the time he lost. So when Harry has the time, he slips one or two texts here and there. And what surprised Harry though, is that Eleanor doesn’t stop him. The times she doesn’t text him back at night he knows she’s talking to Louis. Harry starts to think he and Eleanor will never move on from this, like it’s a high school fling that ends just like it starts, out of nowhere. Sometimes he panics when he can’t find his phone, thinking what would happen if Louis finds it and goes through Harry’s texts, until he taps on his ribs and finds the phone on the pocket of his blazer. But he’ll be fucked if he doesn’t like the feeling. The feeling that all of this can end as soon as it started; the secret crashing spectacularly with only a sloppy step.

Harry needs more, though, because when does he not. So he follows her on twitter to get her full attention.

‘Did you actually think before doing this or you just lost your bloody mind?’ He hears Eleanor’s thick accent through the phone and holds back a laugh.

‘Don’t know. Have I?’ Eleanor knows he’s chewing gum and smiling so wide it’s like she can see his dimples right behind her eyelids. The cheeky little fucker.

‘You cheeky little fucker. You know people will say shit.’

‘Let them. Besides, what is there to talk about? We’re not doing anything. Are we?’

Eleanor doesn’t reply to that.

‘When am I going to see you?’ Harry tries to keep his voice steady. He can only hear Eleanor’s breath and the sound of the wind and wonders if it’s catching her hair, making it go in every direction like the first time he saw her. ‘You promised me, El.’

‘I didn’t promise you anything.’

‘Promise me now then.’

‘Harry, don’t. I have to go. Bye.’

It’s always like that. Harry keeps digging, trying to get anything from her until she gets tired and decides to play along. But when it feels too real, when she feels that her world would collapse if something happens, _if they happen_ , she backs away and Harry wishes Eleanor would be just a little bit braver.

And every night Harry loses his sleep because this feeling scares him, this blind need of his. It keeps him up at the night the thought of not having her, of her turning away from him because it would only take a simple word, a solid _no_ and everything he built until now would fall to the ground and he knows then, he knows _he’s the one_ at Eleanor’s feet.

 

 

So now he’s in bloody Mexico, sunny and hot Mexico City and he can’t sleep because Louis and Eleanor are apparently going at it in the room next to his and he feels all the blood on his body rushing to his head because she wasn’t even supposed to be here anyway but Eleanor decided to surprise Louis and he was so excited he could barely concentrate earlier during the show, missing his lines and everything.

Harry didn’t realize he fell asleep until he wakes up with his phone buzzing and reads her text _Open up x_ and his heart is beating so fast he thinks he’s going to pass out before he gets to the door.

Eleanor basically jumps on him and the only thing he can do is to catch her body with surprisingly steady hands on her waist, closing the door and pulling her body against it, while their mouths collide on a highly anticipated kiss.

If Harry didn’t pass out before he sure is about to now, from Eleanor’s soft lips kissing his, tongue licking at his teeth. When Eleanor pulls away, Harry takes a deep breath and leans his forehead against hers.

‘I was thinking about you.’ Eleanor says while trying to get some air.

‘Been thinking about me?’ Harry purrs, slowly sliding his hands up and down her waist.

‘Thinking about what you said.’ Eleanor drags her hands from his shoulders to the sides of his head, clinging on his ears.

But Harry said so much already. He lets out a laugh and nudges her nose with his. ‘Which part?’

‘Everything.’ Eleanor says, like it’s the most obvious thing on earth.

 

 

It’s so worth it. Everything he went through to get to this point, to get his fingers threading Eleanor’s curls, feeling the soft skin of her back while he rubs on it gently, smelling the strawberry scent of the shampoo she apparently still uses, hearing her small whimpers as he grabs and pulls her hips against his a bit too hard. He can’t get enough of it and he hopes she’ll let him get more, because he needs-

‘You want this? Tell me.’ Harry needs to make sure that Eleanor wants this just as much as he does.

Eleanor can barely get a sound past her lips though, nodding is the only thing she can do.

‘Wanna hear you.’ Harry slurs, pressing the words on Eleanor’s jawline and nibbles her ear when he hears a shy _yes_ coming from her.

‘Wanna make you forget.’ The _him_ he doesn’t say at the end echoes in the room. Harry managed to get a hold of one of her breasts now and he’s kissing her collarbones, feeling the juts of it against his chin.

‘Gonna be your fucking best.’ Harry mumbles into Eleanor’s hot skin.

She gasps and turns them over against the wall, taking off her sweater to give him a better access to her breasts. Eleanor feels his gaze on them, can see Harry’s shiny wet lips parted, and knows he’s totally mesmerized by her lace bra.

Eleanor feels Harry’s cock twitch in his pants and she just wants to get on her knees and taste it on her tongue but as she does that, she realizes he’s kneeling as well, both of them falling to the floor now, Harry pulling her on top of him, still eyeing her hard nipples, a little visible through the bra. It makes Harry salivate with how desperate he is. When he pulls the material aside to get his wet tongue on it, she moans so loud that he has to stuff her mouth with his fingers. It doesn’t stop Eleanor from grinding their hips together, in such a slow roll that punches moans out of Harry, the sounds muffled by her chest. He can’t get enough of how good she smells, like she’s just fresh from a shower, and he moves to the space between her breasts, placing little soft kisses and nudging them with his nose, inhaling her skin.

She still has her sweatpants on but Harry makes his way inside to palm her, getting past her panties and rubbing her clit with his thumb. Eleanor is whispering _please_ into his mouth in such an urgent way that makes Harry easily slide two fingers through her folds, the same fingers that were inside her mouth minutes ago.

Harry is pushing his fingers in and out of her, stopping completely for a few seconds just to tease, to see Eleanor fucking herself back on it and the sight makes his cock leak, getting the inside of his boxers wet and sticky. He doesn’t stop kissing Eleanor, whispering sweet nothings against her lips. Harry groans every time he feels her clenching around his fingers and apparently he’s embarrassingly turned on because she lets out a chuckle and says,

‘You want this more than I do.’ And Harry feels his cheeks burning. He must look pathetic right now. It’s not like he cares though.

‘So bad, please. Wanna be inside you.’ Harry is kissing her cheek, increasing the speed of his fingers until he feels his hair being tugged by Eleanor’s hands, and knows she’s coming with a whine escaping her lips.

To know he made that happen, to see her blissed face coming down from her high gets him going like mad and he cups her ass, their clothes creating a delicious friction, enough for him to work with. He grunts when Eleanor moves to his ear, eyes going wide when she says,

‘Next time.’

And the promise is enough to make Harry come in his pants.

 

 

The next time doesn’t take long to happen. The day after, she finds him in the hotel’s gym room. It’s past midnight and everything is quiet, the only sound being Harry running on the treadmill, shirtless and sweating. As she walks in, she makes a pass to the bathroom, eyeing him the whole time.

When he opens the door, he sees Eleanor popping up the buttons of her dress.

‘So is it going to be like this?’ Harry grabs a towel nearby to dry his face off.

He pretends he won’t be looking forward to every single meeting they will have, as if he won’t be gagging for it every time she squints her eyes at him.

‘You know better than anyone that you shouldn’t be complaining.’ Eleanor stops the ministrations on her dress to tilt her head, daring him. She sits on the bench, hoping it’s strong enough for when Harry’s fucking into her and spreads her legs, inviting him.

Before Harry can lie down on her body, Eleanor throws a condom at him. Harry stands there in awe, watching her sliding her panties through her long legs, throwing them at the floor, leaving her in nothing but an unbuttoned dress, exposing her flat belly. Eleanor grabs Harry by the arms to pull him against her, wanting to feel Harry’s sweaty and hot body, going dizzy with it. When they are both comfortable, Harry takes his cock out and with every stroke he feels his tip bumping against her already wet cunt, slapping against it, teasing both of them in a painful way. He starts to sweat even more, making their bodies slick. Harry can’t take his eyes off the curve of Eleanor’s breasts and how they bounce as she tries to grind back on him.

When Harry settles the condom on his cock, he feels hands around his neck, making its way to both of his cheeks. The soothe feeling of Eleanor’s fingers rubbing off behind his ears makes his eyes roll back.

‘No, look at me.’ Eleanor whispers. ‘Remember that night? The first night.’

Harry nods but he’s driving his attention to his fingers dragging at her slit, spreading her wetness. Eleanor sucks in a breath before talking again.

‘I wanted it to be you. In the bathroom.’ She sighs. ‘I was waiting for you.’

‘Fuck, you can’t just say things like that.’

Harry sinks into Eleanor in one movement, his mouth making sucking noises on her neck. It’s funny how everything leads to this, narrowing down to the warm, the friction, the sound of him fucking into her. Nothing will ever quite feel like this, not breaking records and selling out arenas, not winning important awards, but winning _her_ , after all this time.

‘I can’t, El, I’m gonna-’ Harry is out of breath while looking at her stunning face. She’s looking at him through her eyelids, lips parted, almost turning into a smirk and it felt too much when she asked him to come on her, fingers touching where they meet, making a V around his cock.

‘Fuck, yes-’ Harry grunts.

‘Do it, come all over me, wanna see it.’

Harry pulls out so fast that when he stands, he needs to put a hand in the wall. He doesn’t know where the condom landed because he can only focus on the white spurs dropping all over Eleanor’s belly.

She looks absolutely fucked out, smiling and catching the come on her belly with her fingers, licking at it and putting a show. Then she asks Harry to eat her out and it’s not like Harry wasn’t thinking about it anyway so he drops to his knees and puts one of Eleanor’s thigh over his shoulder, making her come with the press of his tongue inside her walls.

 

 

But it turns out that it’s not exactly a problem, this thing they’re doing regularly apparently. They would sneak out every time Louis was off with Zayn to god knows where. They never talk much, at least not about them or whatever it is that they’re doing. Nothing goes beyond the casual talk about how hot it is in America and how cute Lux looked with the shoes Eleanor got her and the funny sign Harry saw at last night’s concert. But they rather spend their little time learning how to get each other off as quickly as possible. It feels like a race sometimes, how Eleanor doesn’t even need to take off Harry’s pants to have him coming inside it, how Harry got really good at dirty talking and making her come with quick slaps on her ass.

Harry gets possessive. He doesn’t think it’s fair sending Eleanor back to Louis’ bed after he fucked her so fully she needed to splash her face with water for about 5 minutes before she left the tiny bathroom. The day after he heard the sound of Louis and Eleanor’s bed thumping against the walls, Harry makes sure to ask Eleanor if he’s doing a better job at sucking her clit and finding her g-spot with only one finger, looking up from where he’s curled on the floor, between her open legs, and asks again minutes later when he’s fucking her into the mattress.

‘Am I your best yet?’ Harry smirks at her flushed face, slowing down his thrusts, getting inside her torturously slow, giving sharp pushes even after he’s all the way buried inside her. Eleanor feels like something is leaving her body when she comes. She knows Louise is going to come at any minute to do Harry’s hair but she likes it, likes the feeling of kissing him goodbye right behind the door, likes the struggle to walk back to her own room because her legs shakes so much from how they were spread wide for Harry.

Eleanor walks into Harry’s room without knocking, finding Zayn chatting up with him while he’s dressing up to go out.

‘Oh, I’m sorry, they told me Louis would be here.’ Eleanor lies and avoids Harry’s face, looking at Zayn the whole time. There’s an uncomfortable silence pause.

‘Nah, he’s with Liam, I think?’ Zayn says while he’s buttoning up his shirt but squirting his eyes at Harry instead.

‘I thought he’d be with you?’ Harry says with a tilt to his head, acting like the little shit he is.

‘Cheers.’ Eleanor leaves like the room was burning.

Harry forgot to warn Eleanor that Zayn would be getting ready for tonight’s party at his room. It’s their day off and they’re all planning to go out.

‘Sure you’re not coming with us?’ Zayn fixes his hair looking at the mirror.

‘Got another plans.’ He glances at the door, playing with the sheets where he’s been lounging, watching Zayn doing innumerous poses.

‘I’m the one who’s got a girl back home and you’re sitting on your ass the whole night, reading Bukowski or something like that? Yeah, alright.’

‘It’s a good thing that there’s a lot of trust between you two.’ Harry doesn’t want to be mean, so Zayn just shakes his head, a smirk springing in the corner of his mouth.

‘Do I look good?’ Zayn lifts his chin up, giving a tug on his leather jacket.

‘Terrible. I don’t know how you live with yourself, mate.’

‘Alright, now gimme back my ring. You think I didn’t notice, eh?’ Zayn goes to where Harry is sitting to slap him in the head.

As Harry hands the skull ring to Zayn, the latter holds his hand, squeezing hard on his own.

‘Be careful.’ Zayn is looking right into Harry’s eyes. He pretends he doesn’t know what Zayn’s talking about.

‘If other people could read you like I do, you’d be fucked, Harry.’ He always feels unsettled when Zayn says his name like that, like he’s doing something wrong. Which, he kind of is.

‘M’not doing anything.’ Harry pouts when Zayn lets go of his hand, walking away.

‘Yeah, you better fucking not.’ Zayn almost raises his voice and when he turns around he sees Harry looking away at the window, acting like a spoiled child.

He knows Zayn is going to spend a while without talking to him but it doesn’t matter that much when he’s got Eleanor’s lips wrapped around his cock later that same night, slurping on it eagerly, like she’d never seen one before. And then when she’s passing his come through a heated kiss, Harry has to reassure her that even if Zayn knows, he wouldn’t tell anyone. They own each other too many secrets to let anything like that slip away.

 

 

The exciting part is acting like nothing is happening between them when they’re in the same room with other people. It’s been so long that Louis has been acting a little off with him that Harry doesn’t even feel guilty by what he’s doing and feels like he shouldn’t be.

No one would ever realize, Harry thinks. Partially, this is what makes it all so great, the possibility of him and Eleanor having sex behind people’s backs, because no one would ever imagine, not even Louis, and that’s the vantage of doing this. It’s good, being able to be with someone without hearing the click click of the cameras. It’s a reassuring feeling the fact that no one knows about them, that there’s no rumor in any paper, nothing at all.

Harry also can’t quite believe his luck. Can’t believe Eleanor is still allowing him to _this_ , to push her front against a wall and to let him get his hand inside her skirt, palming her from behind, sliding through her panties to work her to full wetness with his fingers while he fondles her breast with the other hand. Can’t believe how she’s still tight and warm around his cock, how she lets him sink his teeth on her shoulders when she clenches around him. He feels great when he lifts her skirt up to see where he’s pumping in and out of her, panties to the side, and it’s the little whines she lets out that gets him off, because he knows she knows he’s admiring the view and it makes him go harder, fucking up into her while grabbing her hips. It’s the best escape, his happy place, the favorite part of his day when he goes to meet her in the first empty space they can find.

And suddenly Eleanor is all he can think about. And she enjoys this just as much as he does, it’s Eleanor that arranges the most impossible places for them to meet, it’s her texting him while she’s off shopping with Louis, saying how she would rather ride Harry’s cock instead. But it’s Harry that calls her at 3 am pretending that he’s mad at Niall for not bringing him to the golf field that day when all he wants is to kill the boner he had gotten himself while thinking about her, and _only_ thinking is not enough.

But Harry doesn’t want Eleanor to leave Louis for him. He wants her to feel like she can’t help but be with him even if she belongs to someone else.

That is, until Zayn decides to put a ring on Perrie’s lovely finger. A year before, Harry thought Louis would be the first to get married. He didn’t, but if Zayn is going to, soon, it would only be natural for Louis to do so. And the thought of not having Eleanor scares Harry almost the same as seeing all of his bandmates settling down and having kids, leaving him poking them in the ribs asking _what about the band and late nights and travelling around the world to sing?_

When Harry finally got a chance to breathe properly after doing a lot of press interviews, rewatching their own movie and smiling to every person that’s in the after party, he spots Zayn and Perrie sitting together. She’s leaning on his shoulder and he’s looking down at her like she’s the only thing in the room. Harry sees something shiny when he looks down at their hands twisted together and then he remembers. Getting married. Wedding. Settling down.

Harry sits in the small table in front of them and asks silently with his hand to see Perrie’s new ring.

‘It’s beautiful. Congratulations, Perrie.’ Harry smiles softly, looking down at the gorgeous ring.

‘Watch out, Pez, he’s stealing my rings all the time.’ Zayn raises his eyebrows but soon they’re all smiling at each other.

‘Alright, hands off, Harry.’ Zayn says his name with the funny accent.

‘Oh, it's ok. Guess the race for best man has started already, then? Niall brought me a drink after I said I had to get in the line for one.’ Perrie looks smug. ‘He looked so baffled!’

‘Got me!’ Harry jokingly said.

‘He’d be a good one, though, wouldn’t he? He’d take care of you while you’re on tour.’ Perrie almost whispers to Zayn, looking up at him.

‘Last month he almost walked into a fire, babe.’ Zayn deadpans.

‘Who’s going to take care of you, then?’ Harry ponders and tries not to think about the undertones on this casual talk they’re having.

‘Nah, I can take care of myself.’ She winks at him and they both smile. Harry kisses her cheek very carefully, feeling Zayn’s gaze on them.

‘Where’s mine?’ Harry took a while to realize Zayn was talking about the kiss and says with his most cheeky smile, doing an impression of Zayn’s accent,

‘Will I be the best man, bro?’

Zayn is already pulling Harry to him by his arm when he says ‘I’ll think about it.’

Harry waves at them after Zayn sends him off with a gentle slap on his cheek. Harry feels someone grabbing his arm and sees that Caroline is leading him to the photobooth, which is truly the star of the night, lots of people queueing to get inside it. Tripping on his feet, Harry goes into the photobooth and barely has the time to straighten his back when Eleanor turns around, her eyes going wide meeting green ones.

Everything happens so fast, Harry is still all crumpled up behind Eleanor’s head while the four clicks end. Harry squeezes her shoulder, barely noticeable, and leaves the photobooth.

‘Ah, there you are!’ For a moment Harry thinks Louis is talking to him but when he walks past to get into the photobooth, he realizes he’s talking to Eleanor. Harry never looked so lost and out of the picture until Caroline grabbed him by the arm again to get him out of there.

 

 

Everyone is leaving now and Harry sees Eleanor sitting by herself, shoes on her hands. She remains still when he sits by her side, so it’s a good sign.

‘Engaged, for fuck’s sake.’ Eleanor mutters, looking around.

‘Insane.’ Harry feels a little relieved that she’s been thinking about it too.

‘Like, it could’ve been me. _Us._ We’re around the same age.’ Eleanor’s voice trembles quietly.

‘Would you? If he ever-’ Harry stops himself.

‘Did you want to say something to me? Back at the photobooth.’

‘Yeah, but not with words. And certainly not here.’

Harry sees Eleanor looking up and he sees that Louis is approaching them.

‘Listen, babe, I’m not feeling very well. I got us a car, they will drive us back to my place, don’t worry, yeah.’ Louis offers his hand to Eleanor. ‘Harold.’ He nods at Harry as they say goodbye.

Louis and Eleanor are waiting inside the after party, right at the door, for 10 minutes now. They’re waiting for the photographers to get their cameras ready, for the security guys to be at their position so they can leave the party in a big style, just like they walked in, hand and hand, so they can pretend they’re the same happy couple from years ago, like a wall hadn’t been set up between them with whatever issues they’re going through right now. Eleanor gets impatient and can’t help but making a sour face, rolling her eyes carefully so no one can really see. She feels her phone buzzing and sees a message on the display.

_Get in the last car of the line xx_

Eleanor waits until Louis is getting in the car he set up for them so she can say,

‘I forgot my photobooth pics with Caroline, you go ahead and wait for me at home.’

Louis doesn’t have time to reply as she slams the car door on him.

It’s a bit dark right now without the flashing cameras and she manages to walk to the last car without getting noticed.

‘You think everything is so easy.’ Eleanor says, closing the door and putting on the seat belt.

‘Didn’t think you would make it.’ Harry says with an amused smile, starting off his Range Rover.

‘Don’t ever underestimate me.’

Eleanor keeps rubbing Harry’s clothed dick until he stops on a sidewalk and turns off the car. Harry unbuttons his shirt, feeling hot all over, and undoes his belt so she can climb on his lap, letting him push her pretty blue dress up until it settles on her waist. Harry feels Eleanor putting a condom on, rubbing the tip of his cock against her cunt. He throws his head back and she bites his neck at the same time she skins into him, slow and warm. They kiss the whole time, moans ending inside each other’s mouth, and Harry rests his hand on both of her butt cheeks, gripping and spreading them, feeling Eleanor letting out little _yes_ as encouragement. Eleanor sucks hard enough on Harry’s bottom lip, making him hiss, puffing out hot breaths against their noses. She slows down when Harry links their fingers together and keeps looking at him while he brings her left hand to his mouth, kissing each finger, making sure Eleanor feels the sweet pressure of his plump lips on them.

‘Harry-’ It looks like she’s going to follow that up but Harry is already picking up the thrusts, fucking up into her as he holds her by the waist, still gripping on her left hand and pulling it close to his chest, _his heart_ , feeling her going impossibly tight around him, bringing both of them to the edge and when they both come, it feels like they’re jumping off the fucking London bridge.

 

 

It’s scary now. He feels the burn, that one you feel against your throat when you’re trying to swallow back the tears, but inside all of his body, aching every time he thinks of her. And he can’t be, he can’t make _this_ mistake at _this_ point.

 

 

Harry has his hand down in his pants, spread out in a comfy chair at his hotel room after he won a VMA, thinking about soft plump lips suckling around the tip of his cock. His blazer is on the floor and his sheer shirt has its sleeves rolled up, barely buttoned. He keeps creating an outline with his dick through his boxers, hissing at the friction. He should be out right now with the rest of the boys celebrating the new award, should be calling some previous hook up that lives in LA, but instead he takes his phone out and sends a picture of his boner to Eleanor. She doesn’t reply.

(They’re not kinky, apart from the fact that Eleanor likes to feel the burn of Harry’s hand on her ass after he slapped it – not too hard, just a little pressure, Harry doesn’t know how to be into these things, but if it gets Eleanor off, then he gives it a go anyway. Harry likes when Eleanor gets bossy, likes to come when she says so, but overall, their hurried sex is mainly vanilla. But it’s pretty fun, they always burst into laughter when Harry slips out of her without wanting to in the middle of a particular sequence of hard thrusts, which turns into slow sex, giggles being muffled by his lips on the skin where her neck and jawline meet. Once, when they had the time to do it on a hotel bed, Harry watched Eleanor finger herself and when she brought her fingers to her mouth, the sight of her pink tongue licking at them almost made him come right there, untouched, in awe of the power she had on him. Harry already knew the surprised look Eleanor would have on her face when they tried a new position, as if she was saying _Lou never tried that one before with me_ and he would fuck her with a smirk on his face, feeling like it’s the first time they’re doing this, whispering _like this like this yeah?_

They fucked a lot despite the short space of time they’ve been doing this. Sometimes Eleanor didn’t feel comfortable sleeping in the bus and Louis didn’t want to put on a fight, asking Paul to arrange a room for her in the hotel. People around them couldn’t understand why Louis can’t just go up with her, but no one dared to say anything in the matter.

‘What do you think he would do if he walked in on us right now, and see how far your legs are spread out for me?’ Harry would climb on the bed, putting carefully a condom. The fact that somehow Harry could make dirty talk work with his morbid voice will always remain a mystery to Eleanor.

‘He’d probably wonder why you’re taking so bloody long to fuck me.’ She would say, eagerly touching herself.)

Harry sends another picture of his cock, wet and red at the tip, fingers wrapped around the base, along with a caption that says _want to play xx_ and waits for something as he continues to jerk himself off. They’ve always done this, always have been vocal while having sex, liked to send short texts teasing each other. Harry wants to have this again, to remind himself he’s just having fun.

He’s on the verge of coming when Eleanor calls him, cuts him off with a harsh _it’s bloody 8 in the morning, Harry._

‘Why didn’t you come? Wanted you here.’ He grips the base of his dick, panting the words.

‘I can’t just leave the country for a day. I’m not the one getting an award.’ Eleanor barely gets the words out of her sleepy mouth.

‘Can’t stop-’ Harry pauses for a second, trying to figure out if what he’s about to say it’s too much but continues anyway. ‘Can’t stop thinking about you.’

‘That’s flattering.’

‘We’re still good, right?’

Harry hears Eleanor’s sigh from the other end. He thumbs at his slit to spread the pre come around his tip, stroking himself up and down. If they’re not going to talk about how silent it was the last half of the car ride he gave her after the movie premiere, after they intensely got off inside the car with only a lamp post illuminating them, so be it.

‘Next time I see you, I’m gonna-’ Harry sucks in a breath.

‘Gonna do what?’

‘Gonna eat you out so good.’

Harry speeds the pace on his cock again, heavy and hot in his hand.

He swallows back a moan. ‘So good and it won’t be enough. Gonna leave you begging for my cock.’ He’s possessed with it now, the need to come, to release himself.

‘Go on.’ Eleanor’s voice is all put together, the power on her tone bringing him to the edge.

‘Want to feel you, El. Still gonna let me, yeah?’

‘Maybe.’

Despite the controversy in her tone, she says it with a voice so steady that he suddenly feels the warm spurs of his come landing on his bare chest, dripping past his butterfly tattoo to soak the first button that’s done up, right on his belly.

 

 

Harry watches Louis’ angry face, with Zayn’s arm around Louis’ shoulders, the two of them walking together. It looks like Zayn is saying something to him and Louis just nods and pouts until they all get in the plane to start the Australian leg of their tour.

He didn’t think about this until now, the fact that Eleanor is not coming with them because she’s back at uni. There are no messages from her and it’s not like she owns him shit and he definitely didn’t spend days thinking about all the things they would continue to do when they meet again anyway.

It sucks. He’s pretending it’s not, but he’s getting cranky again for no reason, spends the majority of his time at the quiet tour bus calling Gemma, trying to get her to head down under as well.

One night, Harry hears a noise coming from the lounge area and jumps out of his bunk to remind whoever is watching the TV that this is the quiet-

And he finds Louis trying to muffle his giggles with his hand, stumbling into the couch with a loud thump. Louis asks for silence quite loudly and announces that he’s drunk to a confused Harry.

‘They kicked me out of the Bus 1. I’m proper pissed.’ Louis pouts.

‘Obviously.’ Harry turns the TV off.

‘C’mon, c’mon, cuddle with me, it’s been a long time-’ And just like that, Louis stands up and goes to Harry, grabbing his arms and trying to pull his body down with him.

‘Louis-’ Harry is painfully aware of all the parts of his body that are touching Louis’ and he shivers and tenses all around. They built up walls so fucking high between them that sometimes he thinks there’s no way to break them all again.

‘No, no, don’t ignore me, you never do, why are you ignoring me?’ Louis slurs, pushing his head into Harry’s collarbones and Harry can barely make out what he’s saying next.

‘Not you too, please, s’enough that she’s been giving me the cold shoulder these days, I just, please.’ Harry notices Louis’ voice starting to crack at the end of it and he freezes. He’s able to lay Louis down on the couch, wants to get him to sleep as quickly as possible.

‘I miss her.’ Harry hears Louis’ tiny voice and feels a hand grasping the collar of his shirt.

‘Then ask her to come out.’ Harry grabs Louis’ hand on his shirt, trying to pull it out, but Louis is quite strong for someone under influence. At some point Harry gives up, but leaves their hands tangled anyway.

‘You know s’not that easy.’

Louis swallows and Harry can hear it, can hear everything, if he tries harder enough he thinks he could hear Zayn’s snoring on the other bus.

‘I think you’re right.’ Louis says, and they still have their hands twisted together, Harry’s on Louis’, but it’s all so soft that they’re not even aware they’re touching.

‘About what?’

‘That stupid theory of yours.’ When Louis doesn’t hear Harry’s reply, he adds with a scoff, closing his eyes and nodding his head to the side, ‘Don’t make me say it.’

Harry tracks back to simpler times, when he could talk to Louis about everything, every stupid thought his brain could come up with, like saying that he and Eleanor look alike. A time when wanting someone he shouldn’t have (not _couldn’t_ because he could) wasn’t a necessity, back when Louis wouldn’t make a move on someone that Harry landed his eyes first.

‘I really really really miss her. But when I look at you, I don’t miss her that much anymore.’ The words Louis gets out of his mouth are barely a whisper; Harry thinks it has a frequency only they can hear. He doesn’t know why but he wants to cry.

Harry touches Louis’ forehead with his own, feeling furious, breathing deeply enough to feel the hot air hitting Louis’ skin and getting back at him. He ends up drifting off to sleep while cuddling with Louis instead, hitting himself mentally because apparently, even with all the pent up hate he feels, he’s still weak for anything Louis asks.

It’s Niall who finds them when he wakes up for a quick piss in the early morning. Niall thinks he’s still dreaming when he walks back to the lounge area, to see Louis and Harry sleeping next to each other. It ultimately knocks his brain up so he decides that he might as well be here for when they both wake up. Minutes later, Liam is opening the bus door and when he sees the lines of Harry’s and Louis’ bodies together he looks over at Niall, who just shrugs.

 

 

Harry wakes up with a headache, almost trips on his own feet while he walks away from the shouts of _Harry mate come back!_ , then he quickly makes his way into his bunk, where he silently cries until he feels the wet pillow beneath his cheeks.

 

 

Harry distracts himself with Niall’s company most of the time, his always-happy personality soaking and taking up Harry’s time. Louis is still the same but better, he supposes. One time he even held the door for Harry. Zayn’s attitude is confusing him, though. They have a laugh when they’re about to go on stage then minutes later Zayn shields himself from Harry, as if he remembers he’s not supposed to interact with him. It feels oddly like high school. Liam always makes a soft and welcoming face that makes Harry want to tell all of his deep secrets.

He almost does one night.

It’s late and Harry is on the Bus 1 still, the other boys are all sleeping except for him and Liam. They’re talking about all sorts of things, from the weird dreams they have to the craziest sex position they’ve ever tried. At this point in their life, there’s not really that much left to learn about each other, but they always manage to find themselves open-mouthed at a random story from the past. Harry thinks it’s magical knowing so much about someone else and still finding missing bits in them.

‘I wish I wasn’t so nice. It’s hard sometimes.’ Harry scratches his nose, eyes fixed on the road that keeps leaving them behind.

‘Wanna trash some hotel rooms, yeah? I feel you, mate, I’m in, whenever you want to.’ Liam is hugging his knees but he still bounces on his seat, like an excited little puppy.

‘No, it’s like. You always think about the other person, right? You’re always kind of- There’s always a point in which you have to choose, am I going to be nice or am I going to fuck this up? And I always like, try to do the best thing. But, most of the time, the best thing happens to them, not to me.’

Liam is quiet, trying to understand each word Harry is saying, trying to make up a full sentence from his slow-paced tone.

‘I feel like a coward. Why can’t I have the best thing? It’s just this one thing I’ve been asking and-’ Harry feels his voice getting rougher so he stops. He gulps as the tears start to creep up his eyes.

‘Maybe it’s the universe trying to tell you that this thing you want, it’s not really the best thing for you?’ Liam carefully says each word, watching out for Harry’s expression.

Harry’s chin starts to tremble and he holds himself back from bursting until Zayn walks in, rubbing his sleepy eyes.

‘What are you whining about now, popstar?’ Zayn doesn’t sound harmful really, he didn’t even hear a word of what Harry just said, but it sets Harry off right away.

Zayn glances at Liam, who has the same desperate face and turns back to Harry, sitting between them and taking Harry in his arms.

‘Harry.’ And it’s so soft and warm, so filled with sorrow and protection that makes Harry cry even more. ‘It’s ok, we’re almost done, yeah? We’re going home, soon.’

Zayn looks at Liam again, silently asking for support as well. Liam sits closer, caressing Harry’s arm up and down. ‘Yeah, mate, I know it’s stressful but we’ve been through this before, remember? If you’re sad, then Niall gets sad, and if Niall gets sad…’ Liam doesn’t finish because he knows they’re all thinking about that one time they were so miserable by the end of their first tour that all they did was to have sad cuddles and long hot showers.

‘C’mon,’ Zayn tucks Harry back so he can see his puffy face. ‘Give us The Harry Smile.’ But Zayn looks just as sad as Harry, a simple grin on his face.

It’s the fakest smile Harry has ever had.

 

 

Harry doesn’t know how he got himself through the last shows but he did. Now he’s with Gemma and they’re both getting ready for the Halloween party. He’s taping his nipples, making up his own Miley when he hears the door opening. There’s so much squealing and little screams and when Louise says Eleanor’s name that he stops everything he’s doing.

Eleanor is hugging Gemma and then Louise next, looking over at Harry over Louise’s shoulder.

‘The boys are looking for Harry, they want to take a picture.’ Eleanor looks at the floor and she has white powder all over her face but he can still see her shy smile.

‘Harry? Go on, they’re waiting for you, knobhead!’ Gemma calls on him, maybe because he’s been staring at the whole situation for a while now, without saying anything.

They walk silently, Eleanor a few steps ahead from him, like she just wants to get at the room as fast as possible without having a conversation.

‘El.’ Harry pushes for one anyway.

‘Not now.’ Eleanor presses the elevator button.

She’s right at the door and Harry makes up at least seven different scenarios in his head. It’s not the first time they’ve been alone in a lift but it was never this awkward.

‘When then?’ Harry dares to move behind her, carefully, but the doors are open and she steps out of it like the elevator was burning.

Harry almost runs to catch up with her and he suddenly feels stupid, chasing someone else’s girlfriend around wearing cheap American Apparel nude shorts. He catches Eleanor’s arm, making her turn around and face him.

‘You’re out of your mind.’ Eleanor doesn’t make it a question, more like an affirmation, a fact.

Harry reaches for her waist and leaves his hand there, sliding up and down, meeting her hip.

‘You need to hear me out.’ Harry looks down at her and when their eyes meet, she says, ‘Yeah, you need to hear me out too.’

It’s a hell of a mess they got into. If Harry thinks about it longer than five minutes he’s going to drive himself mad, more than he already is. Harry thought shit like this only happened in books and movies, and yet here they are, on a hotel hallway, three doors next to the room Louis is and he can’t find anything in him to say the word and make this stop. It can’t stop, it doesn’t feel finished. And he wonders if he’s on autopilot, if he’s acting reckless, letting whatever it is that’s controlling him take over, just to see what happens in the end, what happens when he gets to the finish line. Maybe because part of him wishes that things would settle their own way, because he doesn’t want to clean his mess up, rather leaving it for life itself or whatever powerful source there is to do it.

When he finds Zayn’s eyes over Eleanor’s shoulder, Harry wonders if this is his finish line.

Harry takes his hand off of Eleanor’s hip as if he got shocked by it, and he doesn’t see the panic in Eleanor’s eyes when they follow Harry’s because he’s still looking at Zayn and the fact that he can’t make up any emotion in the face that’s staring back scares the shit out of him.

It’s all a blur but he still can see Eleanor walking past by Zayn and making her way into the room. Harry’s body feels heavy when he takes the next steps and he closes his eyes when he gets near Zayn. Harry can’t bear to face him.

‘Let’s take the bloody picture.’

Harry’s never been so afraid of Zayn’s calm voice in the last three years.

 

 

Harry had forgotten about the previous episode until Zayn locked the both of them in a bathroom. He’s drunk, but still sober enough to feel Zayn’s eyes on him while he pours water on his own face.

‘Please tell me you’re not that stupid.’ Zayn starts.

Here he is, all of his layers exposed and Harry doesn’t feel ashamed for once, he needs to actually scream it out how proud he is to be that stupid. When their eyes meet, Harry wants to make Zayn understand, wants Zayn to put himself in his place and maybe he said that out loud because Zayn is shaking his head and slowly backing away, as if this was so insane he can’t fucking deal with.

‘I didn’t think you could be- Is this been happening since America?’ Zayn’s thoughts rush through his mind. ‘Is that why you were crying that night? Fuck, Harry!’

‘Please, I’m in love with her.’

‘Bullshit you are! You know fuck about love.’

‘Because you do, yeah? You know all about it, thinking you have your life sorted out just because you’re getting married at 20 years old!’

If Harry didn’t make Zayn angry before, he hopes that _that_ does.

‘Who the fuck are you?’ Zayn’s delivery is so full of pity it makes Harry sick. ‘You don’t fucking think? This isn’t about me, we’re dealing with Louis here!’

Of course Zayn would take Louis’ side. Of course. Harry snorts loud enough to make Zayn aware of how obvious this all is, just in case that it wasn’t clear before.

‘Listen to me.’ Zayn pushes at Harry’s shoulder and Harry stumbles a bit back, trying to settle himself with hands on the sink, fighting the will to get back at Zayn, but knowing better because something inside him knows he deserves this. ‘It’s fucking tiring standing between the two of you. Whatever your issue is with Louis, you need to sort it out.’

‘My issue is that I’m fucking his girlfriend and she can’t just help herself, mate.’

Zayn grabs his shoulders and every cell of Harry’s body is set on fire.

‘You arsehole.’ Zayn’s words spits on Harry’s face. ‘You want me to go and get him right now? I’ll do it. For fuck’s sake, you’re not a child anymore, be a man, Harry!’

‘He stole her from me! Everyone in that fucking room could see the way we looked at each other but he didn’t care, did he? ‘Cause he’s Louis, right? He can just go do whatever the fuck he wants without giving a shit about people’s feelings!’

Harry sees Zayn’s gaping mouth and tries to take a deep breath but there’s no air in his lungs and he blinks away the tears that’s making his vision blurry. He can barely get the words out because his throat hurts, like something is ripping it.

‘And don’t yell at me! You’re supposed to help me, you’re supposed-’ Harry sucks in a trembling breath and feels Zayn letting go of him slowly. ‘You say you’re standing between me and Louis but this is such bullshit ‘cause you were never on my side. You’re never around anymore. You and Louis, you just. Every time I fuck up everyone’s so ready to call on me and I bloody hate it!’

Harry hears Zayn’s sigh and with teary eyes he follows Zayn’s hand rubbing his own temple and he hates when Zayn does that, it always messes his full and hairy eyebrows. It looks like the bird tattooed on his right hand is moving, flapping its wings. Looking at that soothes Harry for some reason.

‘I’m sorry. Just please tell me you’re going to fix it.’ Zayn finally speaks.

Harry can hear someone at the door knocking and recognizes Niall’s voice.

‘Zayn, are you alright, bro? People are pissing in their fucking trousers!’

Zayn is looking at Harry now with so much sadness and Harry wants to promise everything will be ok but something else comes up instead.

‘I’m sorry about what I said. Like, about you? Kind of jealous if I’m being honest.’ Harry fights the lump in his throat to finish. ‘Finding the right person so soon. Things like that don’t happen to me.’

Harry tries to go for a smile but Zayn’s warm hand on his cheek interrupts him.

‘You’ll find it, Harry, but not like that.’

Harry closes his eyes, thinking back at how everything would be sorted out just by Zayn stroking his face, petting his curls. _‘Oh, that bird doesn’t know what she’s missing yeah?’ ‘It’s ok, you’re not perfect, Harry, we all miss a note or two!’ ‘You know Liam didn’t mean to yell at you, he’s just having a bad day.’_

He lets Zayn strokes his cheek a bit more, hoping it will make this mess go away.

When they open the door, Harry sees Niall’s eyes widening as he realizes Harry was in the bathroom as well.

‘Were you two fucking in there? Jesus.’

 

 

Harry and Eleanor walk into Harry’s place in silence. She looks around at the messy house and when she speaks, the sound of her voice surrounds the whole room.

‘You realize you could have found another house, right? One you didn’t have to actually break the whole damn kitchen?’

Harry just smiles and flops down on the sofa, telling her with a nod to come and sit beside him. But Eleanor chooses a chair nearby instead, crossing her arms.

‘Does Zayn know?’ She looks at the small glass ballerina on the coffee table, because of course Harry would have something like that in his house.

‘Yes’.

If looks could kill, Harry would be dead by now. Harry notices Eleanor’s chest going up and down, but it doesn’t look like she’s breathing at all.

‘Harry, what the fuck-’

‘S’alright, nothing’s gonna happen.’ Harry waves it off with a hand, like this isn’t a big deal.

‘What the fuck am I doing here?

Harry knows what’s coming but knowing doesn’t make it any easier. It never does. He takes his time, letting the room fall in silence again until all they can hear is the big clock in the dinner room. When he successfully pulls out a string off of his jeans, making the hole above his knee bigger, he clears his throat, afraid his voice won’t come out.

‘I told you, you need to hear me out.’

‘No, you’re gonna hear me out first. This needs to end. And you know it.’ Eleanor speaks through her teeth.

Harry closes his eyes and slowly hides his face behind his hands. He could say _yes, ok Eleanor_ right now and walk out of this but he needs the big crash and burn, because he wants to feel it, to remember there’s life pumping inside his veins and he’ll take it all, even if it’s for the worst, just because he can. He likes to think that he can.

But he doesn’t say anything and Eleanor keeps talking.

‘It’s so fucked up, everything was going well until it wasn’t.’ The way Eleanor’s voice breaks is painful and Harry knows she will cry at any moment now.

‘Why are you saying-’

‘You fell in love, Harry.’ Eleanor’s voice sounds desperate now, like she’s announcing that he has a serious disease and will die soon because of it, like being in love is the worst thing that could happen.

And it truly is.

‘I thought you’d be smarter than this. I thought you were in it for the game because it seemed like you knew that things weren’t going great between me and Louis and I just needed that. But then I felt disgusting, by the time we had to plan it out, to go through every detail to meet up, I wanted to rip my fucking skin off because I couldn’t live with myself.’

Harry sees Eleanor approaching him, sitting next to him like he wanted to at first. He looks down at her thighs and how smaller they are compared to his. It makes Harry so sad and he hates the heavy weight on his chest right now.

‘You could’ve stopped this sooner.’ He mumbles through his pout, looking up at her again, with sad, sad red eyes.

‘That’s the thing, Harry. You could’ve too. When you didn’t, I thought you were ok with it. Ok with me not belonging to you. Because you knew that, right, you know that? That I wasn’t yours? That you didn’t have me, that you couldn’t have me?’ Eleanor speaks very slowly, trying to put it in the most delicate and understanding way. They’re leaning against each other, their heads almost bumping, and maybe Eleanor is looking down at his thighs too, thinking how big they are compared to hers. Harry wonders if she feels sad over it, too, hopes she does.

‘If I hadn’t fallen in love, would you still be here?’ Harry reaches for her hand, knowing it’s not fair.

‘Don’t do this. It’s not fair.’ Eleanor tightens his hand anyway.

‘I thought that maybe if you fell in love with me too, we could’ve-’ Harry stops midway, feeling ashamed of how small and broken his voice sounds.

‘Our lives don’t work like that.’

And that hurts. Harry never thought anything would hurt more than getting his moth tattoo but finding out that he’s in love with someone who can’t possibly return the favor because of who he is makes his chest burn. Maybe he can’t take it all, maybe he’s not strong enough for this, to move on.

And because Harry is weak, he leans in and takes Eleanor’s cheek in his hand, breathing her sweet scent before dropping a small kiss on her lips. He prays she’s weak too but if he has to beg, he will.

‘Harry,’ Eleanor starts.

‘Please, El, just one last time, before you- Please, we were good, yeah? I need to remember, I want to. I’ll get over it, I swear I will, I’ll try for you, but now just, please-’ He drags his hand through her cheeks, stopping on the back of her neck, pulling the hair there, easily and softly, gripping on it like it’s a rope that’s stopping him to fall off a cliff.

 

 

Minutes later she’s all on top of him and something inside him clicks back to the right place, like he remembers now how to kiss her, to lick at the roof of her mouth as if he’s saying _I was here before, I know this_ and to pull on her hair like it’s a string that makes her move the way he likes, the way he wants her to be.

 

 

She rides his face, after pushing him down into the mattress and telling him to be quiet, after Harry told her he wanted to eat her like the first time. Spit is dripping out of the corners of his mouth and every time Harry closes his eyes, Eleanor pulls on his curls, muttering _fucking look at me, you asked for this._ Harry knows better to have both arms on his side, grabbing the sheets instead of touching himself or rubbing softly on the skin where her hips meet her thighs.

When Harry stops to take a breath, tired from licking and sucking, he realizes that his eyes were wet as well, tears threatening to spill out at any moment. He keeps breathing hard, right into her cunt and that makes Eleanor spread her thighs wider, both on each side of Harry’s head, and with one hand she grips the headboard, while the other is desperately rubbing off her clit. When she feels Harry’s tongue making its way inside, the orgasm hits her breathless and she can only moan the first half of his name, looking down at him, hair falling over her breasts. When Eleanor comes back, Harry’s face is glistening and she didn’t even think it was possible to squirt from that.

‘That was so fucking hot.’ Harry says, pulling Eleanor under him, where she goes boneless. The kiss is slow and sloppy and it’s only interrupted by Harry’s deep voice, whispering how good she was, how much he fucking loves to lick her pussy open for his fat cock.

‘Please? I’m so hard, babe, I need it.’ Harry is whining, tapping his nightstand around searching for a condom, mourning about the fact that he never got to fuck her without one. His cock is almost glued to his navel, the tip wet and looking on the verge of purple and he hisses while putting the condom on.

What a simple way to end something so complicated. It’s like everything was leading up to this, to the drag of his cock inside her pussy, the feel of her walls all around him, wrapping and clenching, trying to choke an orgasm out of him. Harry needs to go faster, he knows, but he wants to mark Eleanor, to bury himself deep inside her, make this last long enough so she doesn’t have to walk away. Harry doesn’t think he can handle her leaving again. For the last time.

He tries his best to make their bodies fully touch while he’s fucking into her, so he can feel the round curves of her boobs under his chest, soft and meaty, sliding with their sweat. He tries but doesn’t know why he’s trying, if it’s not going to make her stay, if it’s not going to change a thing. He eventually comes, silently at first, followed by her gasp.

Eleanor hears the sobbing coming out of Harry’s mouth and wraps her legs and arms around his body, kisses him gently, lets their foreheads rest together for a moment. She waits until Harry stops sniffling, but doesn’t wait until he pulls out, so Harry’s still inside when she says it.

‘He proposed to me. I said yes.’

Harry’s ears go numb, he hears a loud buzz and feels like he’s under water so he doesn’t hear his own voice when he speaks,

‘Congratulations, El.’

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you got this far, please know that I love you. And thanks. Feel free to shit on me or just talk about the fic. [Also, I made a playlist](http://8tracks.com/polishedstone/she-s-got-a-boyfriend-anyway) because of course I would do something like that.


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